Wow time flies...

I can't believe it has been a year since I wrote on this. I usually use this for venting unhappy things but I'm 100% happy with my life.
This week marked the halfway point in my pregnancy. Marty and I are so excited. In a little over a week we find out if we are having a girl or a boy though I know Marty is praying for a boy lol. Either way though we already have our names picked out. For a boy of course Marty wants a real junior as he always has and for a girl we chose Mackenzie Jo after my sister and his mom.
The baby room is about halfway done...painted but still waiting for some furniture and a few decorative/fun while great for development that I found on pinterest that I just have to have :-)
Marty has been the most amazing and supportive husband I could have ever imagined. While he knows I'm hormonal and sometimes act irrationally, the other day I broke a brand new cup I received for Christmas from one of my kiddos. I was so angry and upset, and as bad as this sounds I took it out on him. He gave me a hug and went to go grab dinner for us...he then showed up twenty minutes later with no food but he handed me four cups like the one that broke but one in every color they had. It seriously brought me to tears I was so happy. Like I said hormonal lol. But besides that he is just the best with helping me around the house and helping me to do things. I am so very blessed.
Like I said 100% happy. The baby is growing and that I am lucky enough to already be able to see. I was slightly over-weight when I got pregnant and have lost weight everywhere but my tummy...I feel like my baby bump is huge already. I'm able to feel him/her moving all the time and Marty even got to feel the baby when he/she stretched out. it was so amazing.
Life is amazing and it's only going to get better from here <3

I Forgive You

Dear Sarah,

I know you read this since drama has come of my writing on here. I forgive you. I have wasted so much time despising you for what you put me through and all the lies you have said about me, but I'm over it. If I keep hating you, you win. I'm a better person for what you've put me through. I'm stronger as a person and my relationship is stronger than ever. I hope to never hear about you again and wish you the best. You and both your children. You have a gorgeous family and I want nothing but great things for all of you. Have a wonderful life and I will do the same.

Sincerely,
Morgan

Married Life

Well drama surrounds me in some aspects but I'm done with it. People know the truth based on the facts and I know for sure the baby isnt his. In the beginning I was worried...now, I'm not wasting any more time on this. The End.

Married life isnt much different. Started a new job Monday doing what I love and working with an old friend :) Ready for Christmas :) Timmy and his family have already received presents in NY and everyone else is wrapped and under the tree. I will say, I did go slightly overboard on Marty but he'll love it. So excited. And I only work Monday and Friday the week of Christmas. This is amazing.

Life is amazing and I look forward to what is to come :)

Baby Update / Wedding info

Few weeks ago, Sarah was out at the bar with her friends. One of which is a mutual friend of one of our good friends. Apparently over drinks, she was telling her life story about her children, their dad's ect. Well on that note, she was talking about her son Tristan and his father, Weston. You heard it right people. She said his dad was Weston and was even showing pictures and everything. All this pointless drama we've been dealing with for over a year now was exactly that, pointless drama. She knew from the beginning that it wasn't Marty's, explains why she was so "offended" when Marty's mom requested a DNA test. As of now, there has still not been a DNA test but sources say even she commented on how much the baby looks like his dad. But since finding out she had told this to OUR friend, she recanted. Told her she lied to our friend because she was embarrassed of what happened with Marty and I. This statement could be true, but it doesn't really make sense for it to be the truth. I believe she wanted to try and stir the pot before our upcoming wedding so she said it was a lie. Now she has said that she got an at home DNA test with Weston, and he isn't the dad anymore....funny how everything changes now that our friend knows us. I swear she thrives off the drama. My friend told her exactly what I would of told her, if that's the case, file child support. Weeks later nothing has been filed, surprise, surprise...guess she was looking to get a rise out of us. Unfortunately for her, I know people that can see pictures of her son and I know what Weston looks like...I'm happy to say. He doesn't look like Marty. Bleach blonde hair sure doesn't come from either Sarah or Marty. Yes he is blonde, but he is strawberry blonde. Weston is actually blonde...Oh and the hairline on Weston and Tristan are the same. Looking back I know why she never filed child support, why she wanted Marty/his parents to pay her off when they split, and why she threatened if he left how much money he would have to pay her....Tristan was never Marty's to begin with. Now this is my opinion and many people share this opinion, but we will keep everyone updated. I don't know if she thought the child being his would of broken us or what, but Marty and I made a decision first of all when we got back together and second when he asked me to marry him. If the child is his, he will be a part of that child's life. We both will. Marty and I are going to have our own children in a few years and we look forward to that every day names are already picked out. :)
Oh, pray for Tristan...i may not like Sarah but Tristan is innocent in this mess...He has a lot of health issues with his heart and stomach where he is seeing specialists. I'm sure it has a lot to do with her smoking and who knows what else when she was pregnant but I'm not going to bash her in this aspect because she knows what she did. Keep him in your prayers.
Enough with the drama...

Wedding!!!! I'm so very excited. I have my final fitting in the next week or so. Hair and make-up has almost been decided on, trial is on Wednesday but she came recommended and I can't beat her prices so hopefully that goes well. We are getting the final count for the wedding and reception. My girls in their own way, each of them has done so much for me. And Marty...lol...took him til this month, but he is finally in gear and helping with last minute wedding stuff. I watch these shows like Bridezilla and trust me when I say, the stress can make you a monster easily, but I've managed to not lose it completely and like i said everyone has done their part to help me through this stressful time :) so lucky. Marty and I are blessed to have wonderful families and amazing friends. I'm so very excited :-D I'm sure these next few weeks are going to fly by and that is 100% okay with me. I'm ready for it, so ready.
Marty caught my eye when I was 13 years old...I guess sometimes you just know. He is my best friend and we will stand by each other through anything. That is a promise <3

Havent updated in a good while so here it goes

Well Marty and I have been back together for over a year and things couldnt be better. Wedding is in November. We have our own house. The dogs are happy as can be with a front and back yard.
Marty and I have dropped all the negative people out of our life and are cherishing our friendships we have right now.
Things have been slightly stressful with the wedding quickly approaching but it all seems to be coming together. Guess I'll be posting more wedding stuff as things get planned but for now its time for bed.

Well I guess being just friends doesn't work for us...one night of hanging out and that was all it took...marty broke up with sarah the next day...he will still be there for their kid if she allows him to but it will be me by his side...
the world is full of surprises and this was just another one...i know marty and i love eachother and that is all that matters. <3

Things are looking a lil brighter...

Well...Marty and I are on really good talking terms. I've spent almost all my free time the last two days at his shop just bullshitting with him about anything and everything. I love him to death. I know him and I know what he is going to end up doing, but he needs to do it for him. One thing I keep telling him is that I am his friend first and foremost. I would love him to end up with me in the end, but truth is Marty has to make that decision for himself and honestly needs some time to find himself. I know who he is and what he will become...he just isn't ready to be that person yet. And i'm okay with that...even if he was single, I wouldn't be jumping back into anything with him. He needs time. I know what I want out of a relationship with him because i know exactly who I am. Marty knows who he is just not where he wants to go when he is that person. I think he thinks growing up and relationships mean no fun...where I see relationships as a bonus and you have more fun. He is my best friend. I will stand by him through every decision he makes whether I like it or not just as I would any of my friends.

Can't ever be simple...

God I love him...it screws me over everytime...he still has feelings for me...wants things to be different...what in the world am i suppose to do or think....i want to say everything is going to be okay but i can't even guarantee that until he deals with what he needs to...he ruined my evening being indecisive...i wont let it happen again...

Well this is a twist...

So just to make my day just so much more confusing...my horoscope said i was going to meet the love of my life and to keep my eyes open...well Marty texted me today to come pick up a letter that came to our old place. (really makes even you think too cause i certainly didn't meet anyone at work) And we talked...like friends. It hurts a little afterwards but that 40 minutes I was there just bullshitting with him about everything from cars to even his new baby on the way was the happiest I was all day. We didn't talk about us or anything really important but other than the fact a part of me loves him, it was like having my best friend back for a little bit. I wouldn't of traded it for anything in the world. I'm not saying things are perfect but atleast we are civil. And i'm not saying we are gonna talk all the time cause personally I don't even think I could handle it...but it's nice to know we can still bullshit about anything on our minds...we are gonna listen and respect eachother no matter what we say. We care which I guess most people dont understand...but I do and that is what matters.

So on to me...I mixed paint today for a woman who use to work at a doctor's office. She was talking about how she had been sick and it was allergies. Well I went on to tell her about how I got sick a couple weeks ago and then went on to talk about my chest pains. She right away told me my chest pains and the way I described them are a panic attack. She asked when they started and how long they have been going on and I told her that I didn't understand how because when they began I wasn't under any type of stress. She said that stress can mentally build up on us without us even feeling emotionally different. She said her husband has them. So that is one thing I need to talk to my doctor about this next week probably. Not much I can do though from what the lady said. She said that I needed to either start exercising or stop exercising which I was exercising a few months back and they were really bad so now that i'm not exercising i'm afraid to start. I'm unsure of what to do. Doctor will probably have more answers.

I always knew I was in a rush to grow up. My experiences from the time I was 15 really pushed me into that direction. I won't say I'm a muture adult yet because i still like my fun but I will say that I'm closer than most people. I don't like getting taken care of. I like doing things on my own and taking care of others. Probably why i'm such a good girlfriend lol wife material type thing. who knows. I got into a yelling match with my dad when I got home from work and I realized that I have grown up. I don't believe everything my parents do and I wont believe a lot of the things they say. We are different people and they shouldn't expect me to feel the same about everything. In the process of raising a boyfriend and two dogs over the last 3 years, I am grown up. I've learned what people are like and what to expect from them (well not expect is probably a better phrase). I've learned people let you down all the time...it's a part of life. You keep moving. If you're a big enough person, you forgive but you never forget.

I'm 22. I don't pretend to know what the future hold for me, but I do know this...my past or present isn't going to stop my future. I'm so close to finishing school (graduating in December! yay!) and i'm a great girl who some guy someday is going to love and want to give me the world on a silver platter. I'm not stupid. I know what I had with Marty will never be again but I also know that the one that lasts forever feels like none of the others. That is why when I find that guy i'm suppose to be with, it will be bigger and better than ever. I'm ready for a career, a house, a husband, and a family. And just you watch over the next few years...i'm gonna achieve it :)

Life Changes

Well what can I say, since my last post my world got turned upside down. I guess I can be honest here because really no one reads this so I guess I can say what's really on my mind.

Marty will always be my world. He's destroyed the good in me it seems like. When I was writing about us having a hard time, it wasn't all in my head like Marty and everyone said. He was sleeping with someone else...not some gorgeous model or some super nice, sweet girl. He was sleeping with a fat whore (excuse my language). Sarah was my friend...or so I thought. Marty got her pregnant though I'm about 100% certain she planned it to take Marty...antibiotics, switching birth controls...too many stories about how she got pregnant all coming from her so looks like she is caught in her own lie.

People want me to feel bad for him and her, but the only one I care about is Marty. Whether he wanted to be with me or not, it doesn't change the fact that he deserves so much more than he is settling for. I gave him dreams of a future he wanted and I wanted to help him achieve. He wanted his ASE and I did everything in my power to get that for him but now Sarah has ahold of him and he doesn't want that anymore. He has no desire to better himself for his now baby that is on the way. He deserved better just as I do.

I know I shouldn't care about him after everything he has put me through but problem is, I still love him with every fiber of my being. I want more than anything to see him really smile again...not the fake happy I saw last week at the bar or the fake happy his parents tell me about. He messed up and now he has to deal with that but that doesn't mean he has to be miserable for the rest of his life. I want him to be a good man and be there for his baby, but Sarah is not the girl of his dreams and honestly I don't think I am either.

Marty wasn't just my boyfriend, he was my best friend. We told each other basically everything until the end. I know his wants, dreams, fears, i know him. I know the him that he hides to his friends and his family. I know the real him. The person he showed me he was in the last 3 years is the man he needs to be. He knows i'm right cause he told me last week. He's better than the person he is being and the person all his "friends" are letting him become. I've known Marty for 8 years, met him before I even started high school. I believe we are meant to be a part of each other's lives. Maybe not as a couple but certainly as friends. God doesn't make mistakes when he constantly throws two people together. I believe there is more for me and Marty not as a couple but as friends. That is what we both deserve out of what happened between us.
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Well on to another part of my life. I'm not happy to be in Orlando again. Everyone is fake. They act like they like you until someone who doesn't like you comes along. I'm running short on the real people in my life. Most days I just stay at home cause I don't want to deal with who is going to run and talk bad about me behind my back. I can't talk to anyone...my family doesn't want to hear what I am going through and the one true friend I had doesn't bother talking to me anymore. I know it's a two way street but she came down to visit another friend that lived 5 minutes away from me and didn't even bother stopping by to say hi. I think that hurt more than anything.

Just to make my life even better, I'm sick. I've been having chest pains on and off for 5 months now. So no it's not the stress of Marty and I spliting, it happened before any of that. My blood work was normal so they have no idea. Apparently it will pass so whatever, just waiting for that day...

On a happy note, my job is going well. I've been working in the paint department and love the people I work with. School is awesome. All A(s) once again. At this rate, i'll be graduating in December!!! I'm excited. I can finally get the job I truely want and work full time again...I need that more than ever!

I guess that is the update on my life and what is on my mind. Kinda sucks as of late but i'm surviving...barely but surviving.

Orlando is definitely not Tally

Can I say that i'm not thrilled to be back as much as I thought i would be. I'm glad to be back with my friends that have stuck by me through years, but this move has put so much strain on Marty and I. This move was mainly for Marty...it was his dream job and I couldn't let him pass this up...we knew I wouldn't have a job right away but with me not working, its got things looking like a few times in our past.


I feel so depressed these days. I have made Marty one of the most important things in my life and I feel everything slipping away. He tells me things are fine and that everything is going good these days, but the way he acts lately is driving me crazy. He has his moments of just being the guy of my dreams the sweet amazing guy i fell in love with...and then he has his moments where i think he wishes i didn't exist.





I got myself a part-time job starting at Lowes in a week or so hopefully things start looking up. Classes are almost done with for the semester and currently I have all A(s). Hopefully I finish the semester with that...

I could really use a wish right now...someone please give me a break...life shouldn't always be so difficult...

My First Blog but definitley not my last

I've never written my own blog but I think it will be a good outlet for my frustration and I honestly dont care if anyone reads this. This blog is for me and if I piss anyone off thats not my intention but dont come after me about it.

Today I got told not to come into work. For anyone who doesn't know already, I hate my job so I don't particularly mind. Dont get me wrong, its not the kids or what I do with them everyday, but rather the horrible people I work with. I believe they are the biggest cause of my stress and frustration, and you will probably be hearing plenty more about work down the road.

My friendships are another chapter of my life that i'm unsure about it. I dont have many friends these days and the ones I do have I question a lot. The one girl I thought would always be there stabbed me in the back...so, i have a lot of trust issues when it comes to friends.

The best thing in my life is my Marty. He is my best friend, my lover, and my sanity. When I'm having my horrible days, he always makes it better. Lately we've been talking about getting married and spending our lives together forever.Every other day were talking about the kids we will eventually be having. Unfortunately we're not engaged but things are going that way and that really excites me and has me hopeful. Keeps me going.

Well doesn't really tell you too much but I'm sure I will be writing more in the next few weeks.