So just to make my day just so much more confusing...my horoscope said i was going to meet the love of my life and to keep my eyes open...well Marty texted me today to come pick up a letter that came to our old place. (really makes even you think too cause i certainly didn't meet anyone at work) And we talked...like friends. It hurts a little afterwards but that 40 minutes I was there just bullshitting with him about everything from cars to even his new baby on the way was the happiest I was all day. We didn't talk about us or anything really important but other than the fact a part of me loves him, it was like having my best friend back for a little bit. I wouldn't of traded it for anything in the world. I'm not saying things are perfect but atleast we are civil. And i'm not saying we are gonna talk all the time cause personally I don't even think I could handle it...but it's nice to know we can still bullshit about anything on our minds...we are gonna listen and respect eachother no matter what we say. We care which I guess most people dont understand...but I do and that is what matters.
So on to me...I mixed paint today for a woman who use to work at a doctor's office. She was talking about how she had been sick and it was allergies. Well I went on to tell her about how I got sick a couple weeks ago and then went on to talk about my chest pains. She right away told me my chest pains and the way I described them are a panic attack. She asked when they started and how long they have been going on and I told her that I didn't understand how because when they began I wasn't under any type of stress. She said that stress can mentally build up on us without us even feeling emotionally different. She said her husband has them. So that is one thing I need to talk to my doctor about this next week probably. Not much I can do though from what the lady said. She said that I needed to either start exercising or stop exercising which I was exercising a few months back and they were really bad so now that i'm not exercising i'm afraid to start. I'm unsure of what to do. Doctor will probably have more answers.
I always knew I was in a rush to grow up. My experiences from the time I was 15 really pushed me into that direction. I won't say I'm a muture adult yet because i still like my fun but I will say that I'm closer than most people. I don't like getting taken care of. I like doing things on my own and taking care of others. Probably why i'm such a good girlfriend lol wife material type thing. who knows. I got into a yelling match with my dad when I got home from work and I realized that I have grown up. I don't believe everything my parents do and I wont believe a lot of the things they say. We are different people and they shouldn't expect me to feel the same about everything. In the process of raising a boyfriend and two dogs over the last 3 years, I am grown up. I've learned what people are like and what to expect from them (well not expect is probably a better phrase). I've learned people let you down all the time...it's a part of life. You keep moving. If you're a big enough person, you forgive but you never forget.
I'm 22. I don't pretend to know what the future hold for me, but I do know this...my past or present isn't going to stop my future. I'm so close to finishing school (graduating in December! yay!) and i'm a great girl who some guy someday is going to love and want to give me the world on a silver platter. I'm not stupid. I know what I had with Marty will never be again but I also know that the one that lasts forever feels like none of the others. That is why when I find that guy i'm suppose to be with, it will be bigger and better than ever. I'm ready for a career, a house, a husband, and a family. And just you watch over the next few years...i'm gonna achieve it :)
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